I just want to encourage single parents and step parents to plan ahead this Christmas. Don't put the kids in the middle or make them choose how to spend time with extended family. It's hard enough for them to feel torn between Mom and Dad, please don't add any extra stress to their journey.

I am reminded of my friend Joey, who reflects on what it was like to be from a divorced family - here is a little part of his story:

Joey Recalls Christmas as a Child of Divorce…

"My saddest memories of Christmas were seeing my mom cry when I left with my dad." Joey, age 41

Like many children of divorce, Joey grew up with a divided Christmas. He remembers how he hated to see his mom fall apart when he was leaving for the holidays with his dad: "I never felt like she was going to be OK while I was gone. Her tears would make me feel like I had to make her happy and that it was my fault she was sad. I couldn't go and have fun with my dad; I felt guilty -that I should go back to take care of my mom and make sure she was OK.

"As early as age 9, I thought I had to call my mom every day while I was with my dad to see if she was all right. I remember hearing her crying about how much she missed me. I hated that. It made me feel guilty, and I was so worried about her that I couldn't have fun with my dad's family.

"Looking back, I wish someone had told my mom to pull herself together and not place that kind of pressure on me. Whether she was aware of it or not, she was making me responsible for her happiness. I know my mom had friends; I wish she had made some plans with them, and then told me as I was leaving about the fun things she was going to do while I was away. The mental image of her sitting at home, crying, alone, and sad caused enough guilt to last more than my lifetime."

If a divorce has rocked your world, it’s important for your kids, and it’s important for you, that you not take the approach to handling your loneliness that Joey’s mother modeled. Your kids are not responsible for you- it is the other way around. To keep from placing a burden on their shoulders, make sure the image they have of you when they are with their other parent isn’t of you sitting at home, alone and sad.

Make intentional plans to take care of yourself and be a stable parent during the holidays – this will be a beautiful life-giving gift to yourself and to your children.

Please consider joining us for a Co-Parenting Seminar in 2012:

Seminars in the Nashville area

Sunday, January 15: 2.00pm - 4.00pm

Saturday, January 21: 8.30am – 12:00noon

Tuesday, January 24th: 6:00pm – 9:00pm

Saturday, February 25th: 8.30am – 12:00noon

Tuesday, February 28th: 6:00pm – 9:00pm

Please see "UPCOMING EVENTS" on the left panel of our website for more information.

Make this your BEST CHRISTMAS EVER... for yourself and ESPECIALLY FOR YOUR CHILDREN!

Blessings to your family!

A Companion in the Coparenting Journey,

Tammy